Random thought / joke
11-23-08, 10:09 AM
#1
Grey-Bruce Rotorhead
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Random thought / joke
Two cannibals are sitting at their dinner table, eating the remains of a clown.
The one cannibal stops eating for a moment, turns to his friend and asks,
“Does this taste funny to you?”
The one cannibal stops eating for a moment, turns to his friend and asks,
“Does this taste funny to you?”
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11-23-08, 11:30 PM
#8
Retired Moderator, RIP
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...~what do you call a Gay bar with NO Chairs?...A Fruit Stand!~
~The Metric conversion of a 69 Equals 181..(one ate one.)~
~ An Eskimo's snowmoblie breaks on the Ice..Friggin -40 below..Cold as Hell...Guy comes alomg and says "hey looks like you have been here awhile,I'll Take a look..Flips the Hood of the snowmobile and Says.."ah Here's your Problem.It looks like you Blew a Seal...The Eskimo Turns away and Says..OH,..NO..that's just Frost on my Mustache!!~
~I gave my Cat a bath the other Day.The Fur stuck to my Tongue!~
...~A set of Jumper Cables walk into a Bar..the Bartender shakes his head and Goes.."Ok Ok!..You can drink here,But Don't Start Nothin!"~
..hello?..is this thing on?...STYX!~
~The Metric conversion of a 69 Equals 181..(one ate one.)~
~ An Eskimo's snowmoblie breaks on the Ice..Friggin -40 below..Cold as Hell...Guy comes alomg and says "hey looks like you have been here awhile,I'll Take a look..Flips the Hood of the snowmobile and Says.."ah Here's your Problem.It looks like you Blew a Seal...The Eskimo Turns away and Says..OH,..NO..that's just Frost on my Mustache!!~
~I gave my Cat a bath the other Day.The Fur stuck to my Tongue!~
...~A set of Jumper Cables walk into a Bar..the Bartender shakes his head and Goes.."Ok Ok!..You can drink here,But Don't Start Nothin!"~
..hello?..is this thing on?...STYX!~
Last edited by misterstyx69; 11-23-08 at 11:34 PM.
11-24-08, 05:43 AM
#10
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...~what do you call a Gay bar with NO Chairs?...A Fruit Stand!~
~The Metric conversion of a 69 Equals 181..(one ate one.)~
~ An Eskimo's snowmoblie breaks on the Ice..Friggin -40 below..Cold as Hell...Guy comes alomg and says "hey looks like you have been here awhile,I'll Take a look..Flips the Hood of the snowmobile and Says.."ah Here's your Problem.It looks like you Blew a Seal...The Eskimo Turns away and Says..OH,..NO..that's just Frost on my Mustache!!~
~I gave my Cat a bath the other Day.The Fur stuck to my Tongue!~
...~A set of Jumper Cables walk into a Bar..the Bartender shakes his head and Goes.."Ok Ok!..You can drink here,But Don't Start Nothin!"~
..hello?..is this thing on?...STYX!~
~The Metric conversion of a 69 Equals 181..(one ate one.)~
~ An Eskimo's snowmoblie breaks on the Ice..Friggin -40 below..Cold as Hell...Guy comes alomg and says "hey looks like you have been here awhile,I'll Take a look..Flips the Hood of the snowmobile and Says.."ah Here's your Problem.It looks like you Blew a Seal...The Eskimo Turns away and Says..OH,..NO..that's just Frost on my Mustache!!~
~I gave my Cat a bath the other Day.The Fur stuck to my Tongue!~
...~A set of Jumper Cables walk into a Bar..the Bartender shakes his head and Goes.."Ok Ok!..You can drink here,But Don't Start Nothin!"~
..hello?..is this thing on?...STYX!~
11-24-08, 12:41 PM
#13
ERTW
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[geek]
A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. The bartender brings the beer and the neutron asks...
"how much"
...the bartender replies
"for you, no charge".
[/geek]
A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. The bartender brings the beer and the neutron asks...
"how much"
...the bartender replies
"for you, no charge".
[/geek]
11-24-08, 01:18 PM
#14
4th string e-armchair QB
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A little girl's in school learning what a stutter is. Teacher says only humans can have a stutter, little girl says "no, my cat had a stutter... It was in the backyard and the neighbour's pitbull came after it, it yelled 'FFFF... FFFF.... FFFF.... and before it could say ****, the dog ate it."
11-24-08, 08:41 PM
#15
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Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said," Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'" The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
11-25-08, 07:05 PM
#19
Grey-Bruce Rotorhead
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This guy walks into a bar, pulls up a stool and orders himself a drink. He notices a large glass full of cash sitting by the register. He asks the bartender what the glass is for.
The bartender explains, "It's for a long standing challenge that the bar owner has offered his patrons. First, you gotta remove a bad tooth from the owner's dog. She's a miserable old mutt that's kept tied up out back, away from everybody.
When you've done that then you've gotta go upstairs and have sex the owner's grandma. Put a hundred bucks in the jar and you're welcome to try."
Hearing the huge dog barking out back, the guy decides to continue drinking instead of risking his fingers and a $100 bucks.
After several more drinks, the guy's clearly drunk and no longer thinking straight. He asks the bartender, "Heyyyyyy...how much money's in da glassss anyhow?"
The bartender replies, "It's sitting around $1400"
"Holy crap. I'm in. Heresahundred bucks. Where's she?"
The bartender points to a door at the back of the bar. The guy gets up and stumbles through the door. Through the door you can hear the guy slurring, "Easy now, easy," and sounds of the dog growling. The growling gets louder and louder, then ends suddenly with a yelp and a whine.
The guy comes back in and stumbles back up to the bartender; his clothes all torn and ripped to shreds. He then says, "Well, that's one down. One to go. Now...where's the old lady with the bad tooth?"
The bartender explains, "It's for a long standing challenge that the bar owner has offered his patrons. First, you gotta remove a bad tooth from the owner's dog. She's a miserable old mutt that's kept tied up out back, away from everybody.
When you've done that then you've gotta go upstairs and have sex the owner's grandma. Put a hundred bucks in the jar and you're welcome to try."
Hearing the huge dog barking out back, the guy decides to continue drinking instead of risking his fingers and a $100 bucks.
After several more drinks, the guy's clearly drunk and no longer thinking straight. He asks the bartender, "Heyyyyyy...how much money's in da glassss anyhow?"
The bartender replies, "It's sitting around $1400"
"Holy crap. I'm in. Heresahundred bucks. Where's she?"
The bartender points to a door at the back of the bar. The guy gets up and stumbles through the door. Through the door you can hear the guy slurring, "Easy now, easy," and sounds of the dog growling. The growling gets louder and louder, then ends suddenly with a yelp and a whine.
The guy comes back in and stumbles back up to the bartender; his clothes all torn and ripped to shreds. He then says, "Well, that's one down. One to go. Now...where's the old lady with the bad tooth?"
Last edited by Bass; 11-25-08 at 07:09 PM.
11-25-08, 09:37 PM
#21
A guy barges through the door and says to his wife "Drop everything and start packing, I just hit the jackpot today"...."The jackpot!! Start packing?! Oh boy, where are we going???!!!" she exclaims. He replies "Oh, I'm not going anywhere....you're getting the hell out of here"
11-25-08, 10:17 PM
#22
little Johnny is a real foul mouth boy in school, he is from a French Canadian family.
his teacher always try's not to let little Johnny answer any questions because
he would always come up with something foul to say.
well it was Friday and it was time for the "can you come up with a sentence that has this word in it over the weekend"
well the teacher was thinking of little Johnny and thought she would pick a word that he couldn't use in a foul manner.
well the teacher thinks for a bit and comes up with Ozonall
well the weekend comes and goes and first thing Monday the teacher asks the class if they came up with
a sentence using the word she gave them.
well 3 hands were up in the air, one of which was little Johnny hand
well the teacher looked around and asked little sue how she used the word.
she said " well I fell off my bike and my mommy put ozonall on my knee to make it better"
very good the teacher said.
how is next.
2 hands go up
little Johnny is really jumping around trying to get the teacher to pick him, instead she picks
little Joe, little joe says " I cut my finger and my mommy cane and put some ozonall on it and a boo boo
strip and said that it would be all better soon.
very good the teacher said.
at once one little hand is up in the air and little Johnny is ready to bust he is so ready
so the teacher says thinking to herself how bad can it be.
OK little Johnny how can you use this word
little Johnny jumps to and says with his real french accent
" this weekend while my dad was watching the football game on t.v.
my mom came into the room vacuuming the floor and my dad said
If you don't shut dat F#$%ing ting off I will shove it up your *** ozonall! "
LOL
his teacher always try's not to let little Johnny answer any questions because
he would always come up with something foul to say.
well it was Friday and it was time for the "can you come up with a sentence that has this word in it over the weekend"
well the teacher was thinking of little Johnny and thought she would pick a word that he couldn't use in a foul manner.
well the teacher thinks for a bit and comes up with Ozonall
well the weekend comes and goes and first thing Monday the teacher asks the class if they came up with
a sentence using the word she gave them.
well 3 hands were up in the air, one of which was little Johnny hand
well the teacher looked around and asked little sue how she used the word.
she said " well I fell off my bike and my mommy put ozonall on my knee to make it better"
very good the teacher said.
how is next.
2 hands go up
little Johnny is really jumping around trying to get the teacher to pick him, instead she picks
little Joe, little joe says " I cut my finger and my mommy cane and put some ozonall on it and a boo boo
strip and said that it would be all better soon.
very good the teacher said.
at once one little hand is up in the air and little Johnny is ready to bust he is so ready
so the teacher says thinking to herself how bad can it be.
OK little Johnny how can you use this word
little Johnny jumps to and says with his real french accent
" this weekend while my dad was watching the football game on t.v.
my mom came into the room vacuuming the floor and my dad said
If you don't shut dat F#$%ing ting off I will shove it up your *** ozonall! "
LOL
11-26-08, 05:30 PM
#23
A redneck named Floyd calls the local Sheriff's office. "Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there." "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies decend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly after, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep!" "Happy Birthday buddy!"
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies decend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly after, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep!" "Happy Birthday buddy!"
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