So I have this curious problem.
My car beeps the same way it would if you left your keys in the ignition and opened the door, or the same way it would if you left your lights on, except mine does it with the lights off and key out. If I open the door it just beeps, close the door it stops.

I assumed the worst last night and figured this am I would go out to start it and have a dead battery due to something causing a drain on the battery all night but that didn't happen.

The car has done this off and on occasionally when I shut it down but usually just inserting the key and removing it again takes care of the beeping but not now...

Any ideas?

 

Sounds like the key-insertion switch is sticking.

 

good call

 

I wonder if it would mind if I stabbed it to death, cursing at it doesn't seem to help it stop beeping.

I've tried messing around with the wires and such but to no luck, is the switch you're talking about in the ignition lock chamber or is it external?

 

It seems you've already succeeded in stabbing it to death with your key, over time.

It's called the "key reminder switch." I've never had my steering column apart before, so I don't know whether it's replaceable separately from the ignition switch. Obviously, it has to, at least, be in physical contact with the ignition switch. It's probably part of the ignition switch itself, though.

You can unplug CPU#2 and it will go away, along with the factory alarm and other misc. functions that you may not miss, until you get a replacement switch. Or you can cut the wire to that switch and lose the key-reminder functionality altogether.