West TX RX-7

Here the deal, Married 8 years 2 kids, 6 and 4 both girls, I'm a really good DAD but a shitty husband so i've been told.

Wife and I have nothing in common cept for the kids. She gave me a choice.. friends or her (she say family but it is her). Tell me if this is out of line. I spend 6 days with the family. I spend one day /night a week with my buds, just hanging out and B.S.'n she tell me tonight on cell phone to get my **** out cause she no like my friends. My friends smoke a lil pot but thats it. No bustin windows or stealing or nothing like that, they good ppl. I do not smoke pot or use drugs at all, my choice.

So this kinda **** goin on for 3 years. I'm like WTF???? Want me out tonight cause ummm,, i'm hanging with my friends and I have my cell with me so if something serious happen ect she can get ahold of me. I just don't get it brothers.

I been to the point for over a year i don't care for her at all. I mean i really don't care if I could ever see her agin. There is not any other flings involved, I have been loyal to my wife and she to me. Now my lil girls are sooo precious to me \ i don't wanna hurt em at all but I don't know if it good for us to be together if we just gonna fight/disagree all the time..

What you all think?? Been going to counsiling for 10 months........ = ^ (

cymfc3s

If it were me, id do everything in my power to work things out with the wife. If not for you and your wifes sake, for the kids sake. They need to be raised in as stable, loving environment as possible. Try as hard as you can, in the end, you wont have any regrets about any decision you make. Good Luck.

Josepi

No what you are doing is not out of line. Does she say why she feels that you hanging out with your friends once a week is bad beyond the fact that she doesn't "like" them? Is there some other reason? Are you always accessible when you are over there?

KNONFS

iTrader: (14)

I agree!

I can understans why your wife doesn't like your friends, pot is ilegal and may get you in trouble, even if you are not using it. My best buddy smokes pot, I stop hangging with him because my baby sister can (and did) noticed it. In my opinion my baby sister shouldn't be exposed to aditional unsafe\unhealthy things, (I know she will be exposed at school) so I don't want to bring it home too......know what I mean?

MadMaxine

Just do what's best for your daughters. It's hard to be raised in a family where mom and dad always argue and fight. Coming from personal expierence, my parents didn't like eachother, but they stayed married. To this very day, they sleep in separate rooms and have completely different lives. They are still friends, but at least they were always there when my brother and I needed them. (They still share a house and sleep separately even now that my brother and I have our own lives and our own families).

What ever you decide, keep your daughters' well being in mind. They'll never forget.

LITESPEED

I think it would be best to work at your relationship with your wife. It is the healthiest thing you can do for your children. If you love your kids do the best to love your wife." The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother" If it means leaving your friends for a while then so be it!! Your family comes first. If they are truly your friends they will be there when things are right at home. Sometimes men can be selfish and justify anything we do.
Prayer wouldn't hurt either(alone and with your family).

Greg

sunshine

iTrader: (3)

I'm not one to talk, I dont have much personal experience...but I've seen a lot of things. Women get upset when they gotta raise the kids themselves. I'm not saying this applies to you, since you only got out once a week. But, if she feels that shes doing all the work with the kids and the house, and the man is not contributing equally...she may feel animosity for it.
Anyways, good luck with everything...I'm sure the decision you will make will be the correct one.

PraxRX7

Buy her an FC...maybe all will be forgiven. =/

Keep the kids happy...don't let em grow up without you.

Icemark

From someone thats been there:

What does the counsler say? Has he or she given you any help? If not perhaps try another one. The fact that you and her have gone to get help screams much that your marriage may be saved.

But again from my experience:

Marriage is work. This means you may have to give up your friends for a while, to provide her with more attention.

Women tire of being with a man after having children with him when the children are around 4 or 5. This is a leftover thing from the caveman days (saw it on discovery channel).

or being with him for more than 8 or 9 years (again see the above cave man thing), but if you can get past 10 years, it will often get much better. You just need to make your wife your friend, and find common intrests.

If you split up, take notes on everything. When she has them, what she does with them, how she treats them, ETC. Make sure you spend more time with your daughters than she does and keep very accurate track of the time and money spent. Generally if you spend more than 50% of the time with the children and make about as much money as she does, then you will not have to pay child support (and there should be any reason you should if they are with you more than 50% of the time). These notes will help save your ***. Luckly you are in Texas, one of the best states in the Union to get a divorce... now of you were in California your would be screwed. She would get everything. But if you split up (which I do not in any way recommend if you can help it) take the offensive, get a lawyer, file first, don't give her anything if you can help it, even just o be nice. Transfer everything that you own and want to keep in your name or into a holding company until the war is over.

and DON"T USE HER LAWYER TO SAVE MONEY... one of my good friends here did that and got very very screwed. What he didn't pay in lawyers fees he has paid and will pay each and every year for the rest of his life and then some.

tmak26b

Divorce=$$$

WestJaxVert

How about offering to cut back to one night every other week and let her have one night every other week to do something with her girlfriends. I don't know if it's the case or not, but if she sees you doing something all the time and she gets to do nothing, she may have some resentment over that.

Like a said...Just a thought.

Dan

jarrod

dude.....some fine advice here....
hang tight...kids add a whole new problem to a divorce
try and work in out...if your not in the picture who will be?just some things to think about....

JoelChicago

Man, I gotta say I'm impressed with the advice here. Really really sound stuff. Kids are the ultimate gift. You lose the marriage, you'll hardly see them and they'll resent you for it. Plus, you'll pay tons of money in alimony and child support (like 40-50% of your income after taxes)!

I see my friends far far less than I used to, but that's OK, because I put that effort and time into my wife and daughter now. You need to take the time to find out EXACTLY what's bothering her. I'll bet you find out it's more than the time away. In fact, the friends are probably just an excuse. Pot is problem number 1 (you want your kids on that stuff? Doubt it!), so steer clear of it. Your friends will ultimately be noticed with it by your kids SOMEHOW.

Find out NOW what she likes and doesn't like about you - do a real 1 on 1 heart-to-heart talk with her. Then act on those things like you never have. You'll be surprised how much you have in common with your wife again after that. It will take some time, time alone with her and away from the friends and maybe even the kids to fix this.

I do some marital advice and counseling at my church. If you want, feel free to email me anytime. I'm all for saving every marriage out there for the kids and for you. Don't just give up all that time for some friends you HAVE to be with!!!!

Ryde _Or_Die

Well first off about your friends...if you have been married 8 years and I take it that your friends are the same age then they should be at least 26 or so, right? What are they doing messing with drugs still? Shouldn't they be over all that by now?

Alright now for your relationship part...so you don't want to be around her even? I mean if you don't give 2 ***** whether or not you see her again then you could not have possibly been doing a good job on the husband part(not saying anything about father part). When in a good relationship you feel needed by the other person and obviously you don't need. Its definitely best to get out now and not make everyone suffer anymore. That is if you can honestly say you don't have any more feelings for your wife. Its better to end on the best terms possible so the children/visitations aren't affected too much by the breakup.

pedro kim

hi.

I have been married 2 times, is better to be around healty people is positive+, remember your kids are watching you and you don't want your ones ending with risky friends, you are the example of their future family.

Some times is very good to live a week or month or more separate, both minds will think best the bad and good things they done, if there is suficient love both will yoing togeter and star all over again like if you were his boyfriend and she youre girldfriend (or something like).
Hope it helps, is youre own decision

sublimeracing

Hey man sorry that your that situation. My parents divorced when a I was 13 (now I'm 19 and live w/ Dad and step-mom) Kids know a whole lot more than parents think they do. I always picked up on what was going on w/ my parents when they were together good or bad... Just be there for your kids like my parents were for me and my siblings. It will all work out in the end, but there will be some tough times. Just don't let your kids get turned against you. It may not be intentional but slamming each other will have an impact on your kids. As for the friends thing, its not fair for her to tell you that. If your a good father you should be able to chill w/ your boyz one night a week. Try and work out a compromise or something... hope it works out for the best.

KNONFS

iTrader: (14)

We have some VERY GOOD advices here! I feel the need for a group hug................I love you all!

hyperdaddy7

ok first of all iwould like to say that i am 19, so i have no experience on this subject.

It sounds to me like she feels that she needs to get out more, like she is jealous that you are hanging out with friends and she isn't. try to get her to go out more and get away from the house.

just my two cents.

Flyby116

Well Im young only 17...but I understand you are hanging out with your friends and all which is fine...but they do drugs and all. Remeber you have children, you raise them with that in the background and such they may find out about it and start doing it themselves when they get older. And I see it with the age as it goes up...do pot in high school and all, ok not that bad (I dont) but then to grow up get a family and even kids and still hang out with people that do seems alittle kiddy like.
I would just try to work it out with your wife...for you and the KIDS! My parents arent apart or anything but if they were I know I would be a totally different person then what i am today...so try.
Just trying to help

Nick

ianbell

Bin there and done it - found out the hard way the best thing you can do is give her everything and walk away - no lawyers, no fuss, no muss - believe me it's cheaper and less emotionaly draining and she's gonna get it all anyway, one way or another.You are now about to get a f------n for the f-----n you got so make it as quick and painless as possible. Friend of mine is now up to $40000 in legal fees over a 3 year period and they are no further ahead from where they started when she kicked him out - by the time the have finished there'll be nothing left!

Flyby116

Yea if you really want to end it Ianbell is totally right...

tIIforever

whatever you do keep the kids out of it. because when my mom divorced my dad my mom put me in the middle of everything

LLADNAR

my wife used to get upset about the same type of stuff,,she is a woman that wants your time. she basically wanted to be part of what i was doing,,nothin wrong with that,,she just felt left out. and i am not joking here, i bought her a 5.0 stang and we went out to the drag strip for test and tune nights,,all of a sudden she is part of what i am doing she is in a social situation and she is 10 times happier. not saying you should buy a mustang but just maybe that is what some of her problems is,,oh yeah and the weed smoking friends.

stickgoat

Well, I've never really understood the point of parents staying together just for the kids. If you're both miserable, there's no way you can constantly fake happiness and that "storybook" lifestyle everytime your kids are in the same room. It just isn't possible....

I realize your kids are young, and right now they likely won't understand the whole of what is going on, but IMO splitting up with your wife would be the best choice, rather than presenting artificial happiness for X amount of years. When the kids get a little older, they WILL pick up on everything anyway.

My parents divorced when I was 12, but they were unhappy long before then. They said that they stayed together mainly for the sake of me and my brother. That all did no good... I've never been close to my father (whether my parents were divorced yet or not) and we don't talk very often. When I am around him, things are awkward, like we're both searching for something to say to fill the void, so we end up exchanging the same basic pleasantries and BS everytime.

So essentially, I would say that the best possible thing to do would be to explain to your kids as best as you can what is going on, and then make sure you can't/truly don't want to work things out with your wife, and then leave. Make sure to stay involved in your kid's lives. They might not think much about it now, but when they're older, they'll appreciate it.

If this stuff has been going on for 3 or so years now, and for over a year you've honestly thought to yourself "I don't care about her anymore", I think more damage would be caused in staying.

Just my 4 cents...
-Summer