How to behave yourself on the forum.
#1
Nikki-Modder Rex-Rodder
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Location: Trying to convince some clown not to put a Holley 600 on his 12a.
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How to behave yourself on the forum.
By Sterling
#1. Use the search button, Bitch!:
Try to look for the answer to your question in the vast recesses of the magnificant forum data bank before posting. Wade through the metephorical swamp of **** trying to hunt down your metaphorical alligator, and when you don't find the answer you can at least say that you tried.
You'll be happy you can say that, too, when someone that does not actually answer your question, yet takes the time to tell you about our magnificant search function with an atitude as though you had disappointed him personally by not execercising his brain with a challenging enough question.
Don't pick a fight with him- you've probably wrecked his night already. Poor bastard.
#2. Telling people to "Use the search button, Bitch!":
Make sure you personally greet every newbe that comes to our page by responding to his first question not with an answer he can use, but with the advice that only experience would be able to give...to use the search function.
This will **** him off, but the truth is that them newbes gotta learn!
#3. Ask for opinions if you want facts:
If you need to find out how to install a supercharger, then your best bet is to ask everyones opinion as to why you should not install a supercharger.
#4. Ask for facts if you want opinions:
If, for example, you want to get everyones opinion on turbocharging and supercharging, then you should ask for facts about them. Noone will actually be able to provide any actual facts, but they will instead offer their opinions in place of the facts that they don't know.
(just as good, really.)
#5. Don't over expose your lack of knowledge:
Try not to actually ask a basic question right in the post title. Be as vague as you can so that you'll at least intrigue people enough to open the thread. Then they can type in what an ******* you are for asking such a stupid question.
They'll probably tell you to use the search function and call you a bitch.
#6. Don't over expose your knowledge:
Be sure to choose to respond to posts that have the most views or responces. Leave the questions, particularly from newbes, that have very few views alone. Opening the thread will show yet another view and the noob will think that people are actually interested in helping him with his car that keeps catching fire, and losing interest in the thread about two cats ******* in the alley.
#7. Dealing with those annoying newbes:
If you actually want to answer a noobs question, write the explaination as if it were something only a child would've asked. If the noob thinks that all the questions he asks are intelligent questions, then he might be led to believe that he actually is intelligent and may start to form opinions of his own.
Oh, and be sure to refer to new members as "noobs", "newbes", "fresh fish", whatever- as much as possible. It keeps them humble, and reasserts the fact that you are not a newbe yourself.
#8. Advice for the "Gurus":
If you're one of the lucky few people here that was actually born of the womb already having a full knowledge and understanding of the history and mechanical workings of the Mazda rotary engine, you are asked to flaunt it as much as possible.
However, don't ever answer questions that are beneath you. **** them people. Let em search. You don't want to come off like a know-it-all, afterall, and you certainly have better things to do with your vast knowledge of the rotary rather that answer a bunch of ****-ants little basic questions. On a forum. Every single day.
#9. The signature:
Try to make your signature as long as possible. Tests have shown that newbes are impressed by a really long sig. For the most part, the exception being very odd cyber-fetishes, the effects large sigs have on noobs are purely subconscious.
It is only when they attain a certain level of knowledge that they themselves finally gain the self-confidence that makes them aware of their cyber self-image. They then will enlarge their own sigs in an effort to demonstrate that they are no longer a noob.
There are noobs that try right off the bat to demonstrate false self confidence through a gigantic signature, but they don't realize that their efforts are in vain, as their post counter tells all.
Stupid ****** noobs.
The content of your signature should consist of every single car you've ever had, as well your dads cars, along with the history of each one and any aftermarket parts on them. If you feel that you are lacking in volume for the content (anything less than one 600 x 800 pixel screen), and are inclined to lie about all the crazy crap you own, then go ahead and put down the details of more cars. But be forewarned- there are some who may ask you to provide some proof of your vast empire of ****. So be certain that the cars you describe are friends cars that you can take a picture of quickly.
The trailor you live in does'nt count as a vehicle.
#10. The post counter:
Try to post as much nonsense as possible- preferrably in the lounge- for at least the first year you are here so that you won't be stuck at "used anti-freeze" status or something lame like that. Get that count up there, damnit! You don't want people scrutinizing your signature and starting to wonder about you, do you?
Don't be intimidated by those of us that have thousands of posts- chances are the forum will crash and wipe them out anyways. You can be rest assured that the "help"-to-"****" post ratio is not all that high with those folks.
Until I finally get my wish- 2000 posts and you're terminated (yes; the "dead" kind of terminated), everyone that posts a help-to-**** ratio of less than 5 to 1 is an *******.
#11. Ending disagreements in a freindly mannor:
If someone does'nt agree with you about something and publicly says so, he's being an ******* and should be dealt with swifty by calling him one.
Call his mother an *******, too. Be sure to include a smiley in your responce so as to confuse him.
It should end the arguement right then, but if it does not, continue to call other members of his family ******** until he stops. If anyone else tries to intervene by asking you to stop the arguement, call him an *******, too.
#12. Picking a fight:
When picking a fight, try to start it over a topic that can very easily stray from the the original course. It makes for an inviting ****-fest that many find simply irresistable. This strategy can help if you find yourself suddenly in an area of which you know nothing about. Be sure to call as many people ******** as possible, and don't forget to use smilies to confuse people. Use words like "****" and "moron" as much as you can in your responces.
Make sure you address every single responce directed towards you as if it were a personal stab in your own eyeball.
Excercise your right to over inflate your ego like a gigantic peacock and throw unsubstantiated claims and false or skewed facts into the arena when they will help you. When worded correctly, these fallacies can be used to demonstrate others' obviously poor choice of opinions.
Be sure not ever to be the one to "back down", "let it go", "be the better man",- any **** like that. That's for losers, and you'll gain no respect by being a quitter.
The only way to earn their respect is to stand your ground. Be as snappy and cynical in your responces as you can.
Remember- it's the moderators job to keep all the threads in line, not yours.
#13. Learn when enough really is enough:
Enough is enough when you say so. It's never enough when someone else says so. The more others ask you to back down, the more you should press onward. It's what they really want.
Remember- this forum is for fun and entertainment. People don't come here to learn, they come to see a good pissing contest.
#14. Telling others how to behave:
Make lists whenever possible and make them as long as possible, too. They should overwhelm people to boredom. Tell people how they should behave in these lists in certain circumstances. This will be a demonstration to those that read it that you are "the better man".
Really.
But, uhhm- if you really need to gain the respect of a bunch of people that would actually take the time to read that ****; well...you have issues.
To all the new guys, self proclaimed guru know-it-alls that don't bother to help anyone, flamers, people who outright lie about the facts they claim to know, people that live in trailors, and anyone who will ever read this-
I'm just kidding.
I love you guys.
Except Pratch. He's an *******.
By Sterling
#1. Use the search button, Bitch!:
Try to look for the answer to your question in the vast recesses of the magnificant forum data bank before posting. Wade through the metephorical swamp of **** trying to hunt down your metaphorical alligator, and when you don't find the answer you can at least say that you tried.
You'll be happy you can say that, too, when someone that does not actually answer your question, yet takes the time to tell you about our magnificant search function with an atitude as though you had disappointed him personally by not execercising his brain with a challenging enough question.
Don't pick a fight with him- you've probably wrecked his night already. Poor bastard.
#2. Telling people to "Use the search button, Bitch!":
Make sure you personally greet every newbe that comes to our page by responding to his first question not with an answer he can use, but with the advice that only experience would be able to give...to use the search function.
This will **** him off, but the truth is that them newbes gotta learn!
#3. Ask for opinions if you want facts:
If you need to find out how to install a supercharger, then your best bet is to ask everyones opinion as to why you should not install a supercharger.
#4. Ask for facts if you want opinions:
If, for example, you want to get everyones opinion on turbocharging and supercharging, then you should ask for facts about them. Noone will actually be able to provide any actual facts, but they will instead offer their opinions in place of the facts that they don't know.
(just as good, really.)
#5. Don't over expose your lack of knowledge:
Try not to actually ask a basic question right in the post title. Be as vague as you can so that you'll at least intrigue people enough to open the thread. Then they can type in what an ******* you are for asking such a stupid question.
They'll probably tell you to use the search function and call you a bitch.
#6. Don't over expose your knowledge:
Be sure to choose to respond to posts that have the most views or responces. Leave the questions, particularly from newbes, that have very few views alone. Opening the thread will show yet another view and the noob will think that people are actually interested in helping him with his car that keeps catching fire, and losing interest in the thread about two cats ******* in the alley.
#7. Dealing with those annoying newbes:
If you actually want to answer a noobs question, write the explaination as if it were something only a child would've asked. If the noob thinks that all the questions he asks are intelligent questions, then he might be led to believe that he actually is intelligent and may start to form opinions of his own.
Oh, and be sure to refer to new members as "noobs", "newbes", "fresh fish", whatever- as much as possible. It keeps them humble, and reasserts the fact that you are not a newbe yourself.
#8. Advice for the "Gurus":
If you're one of the lucky few people here that was actually born of the womb already having a full knowledge and understanding of the history and mechanical workings of the Mazda rotary engine, you are asked to flaunt it as much as possible.
However, don't ever answer questions that are beneath you. **** them people. Let em search. You don't want to come off like a know-it-all, afterall, and you certainly have better things to do with your vast knowledge of the rotary rather that answer a bunch of ****-ants little basic questions. On a forum. Every single day.
#9. The signature:
Try to make your signature as long as possible. Tests have shown that newbes are impressed by a really long sig. For the most part, the exception being very odd cyber-fetishes, the effects large sigs have on noobs are purely subconscious.
It is only when they attain a certain level of knowledge that they themselves finally gain the self-confidence that makes them aware of their cyber self-image. They then will enlarge their own sigs in an effort to demonstrate that they are no longer a noob.
There are noobs that try right off the bat to demonstrate false self confidence through a gigantic signature, but they don't realize that their efforts are in vain, as their post counter tells all.
Stupid ****** noobs.
The content of your signature should consist of every single car you've ever had, as well your dads cars, along with the history of each one and any aftermarket parts on them. If you feel that you are lacking in volume for the content (anything less than one 600 x 800 pixel screen), and are inclined to lie about all the crazy crap you own, then go ahead and put down the details of more cars. But be forewarned- there are some who may ask you to provide some proof of your vast empire of ****. So be certain that the cars you describe are friends cars that you can take a picture of quickly.
The trailor you live in does'nt count as a vehicle.
#10. The post counter:
Try to post as much nonsense as possible- preferrably in the lounge- for at least the first year you are here so that you won't be stuck at "used anti-freeze" status or something lame like that. Get that count up there, damnit! You don't want people scrutinizing your signature and starting to wonder about you, do you?
Don't be intimidated by those of us that have thousands of posts- chances are the forum will crash and wipe them out anyways. You can be rest assured that the "help"-to-"****" post ratio is not all that high with those folks.
Until I finally get my wish- 2000 posts and you're terminated (yes; the "dead" kind of terminated), everyone that posts a help-to-**** ratio of less than 5 to 1 is an *******.
#11. Ending disagreements in a freindly mannor:
If someone does'nt agree with you about something and publicly says so, he's being an ******* and should be dealt with swifty by calling him one.
Call his mother an *******, too. Be sure to include a smiley in your responce so as to confuse him.
It should end the arguement right then, but if it does not, continue to call other members of his family ******** until he stops. If anyone else tries to intervene by asking you to stop the arguement, call him an *******, too.
#12. Picking a fight:
When picking a fight, try to start it over a topic that can very easily stray from the the original course. It makes for an inviting ****-fest that many find simply irresistable. This strategy can help if you find yourself suddenly in an area of which you know nothing about. Be sure to call as many people ******** as possible, and don't forget to use smilies to confuse people. Use words like "****" and "moron" as much as you can in your responces.
Make sure you address every single responce directed towards you as if it were a personal stab in your own eyeball.
Excercise your right to over inflate your ego like a gigantic peacock and throw unsubstantiated claims and false or skewed facts into the arena when they will help you. When worded correctly, these fallacies can be used to demonstrate others' obviously poor choice of opinions.
Be sure not ever to be the one to "back down", "let it go", "be the better man",- any **** like that. That's for losers, and you'll gain no respect by being a quitter.
The only way to earn their respect is to stand your ground. Be as snappy and cynical in your responces as you can.
Remember- it's the moderators job to keep all the threads in line, not yours.
#13. Learn when enough really is enough:
Enough is enough when you say so. It's never enough when someone else says so. The more others ask you to back down, the more you should press onward. It's what they really want.
Remember- this forum is for fun and entertainment. People don't come here to learn, they come to see a good pissing contest.
#14. Telling others how to behave:
Make lists whenever possible and make them as long as possible, too. They should overwhelm people to boredom. Tell people how they should behave in these lists in certain circumstances. This will be a demonstration to those that read it that you are "the better man".
Really.
But, uhhm- if you really need to gain the respect of a bunch of people that would actually take the time to read that ****; well...you have issues.
To all the new guys, self proclaimed guru know-it-alls that don't bother to help anyone, flamers, people who outright lie about the facts they claim to know, people that live in trailors, and anyone who will ever read this-
I'm just kidding.
I love you guys.
Except Pratch. He's an *******.
#3
Beware Of Squirrely Wrath
Join Date: May 2002
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Sterling - Hey *******, I live in a trailor! And where's that thread about two cats ******* in an alley?
Brian
P.S. - See my sig, isn't it HUGE!! Bet you wish yours was.
Brian
P.S. - See my sig, isn't it HUGE!! Bet you wish yours was.
#4
Nikki-Modder Rex-Rodder
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2001
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Originally posted by BrianHeston
Sterling - Hey *******, I live in a trailor! And where's that thread about two cats ******* in an alley?
Brian
P.S. - See my sig, isn't it HUGE!! Bet you wish yours was.
Sterling - Hey *******, I live in a trailor! And where's that thread about two cats ******* in an alley?
Brian
P.S. - See my sig, isn't it HUGE!! Bet you wish yours was.
- A good rule to follow is "It counts if you can put a HP # in the description".
I was told I had to trim my sig down a while back. It was'nt as long as some peoples, but never the less, because it was a satire on really long sigs, I guess it pissed people off and they complained.
Brian, don't worry about your signature not being up to the task- you're young - it'll grow.
The two cats (or dogs?) is a real thread in the lounge about a year and a half ago.
#6
I read your email
OMG Sterling I'm speechless! You've just created the FAQ! Forget all the technical garbage..... this is what those noobes really need to see!
Maybe this thread should have been titled Everything you ever wanted to say but we'll let Sterling say it so he can take the heat instead.
Maybe this thread should have been titled Everything you ever wanted to say but we'll let Sterling say it so he can take the heat instead.
#7
Nikki-Modder Rex-Rodder
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jimmdog it's just a joke, that's all.
Someone PMed me and said I was one of the worst behaved people on the forum.
I'm guilty of about 10 of these things.
Someone PMed me and said I was one of the worst behaved people on the forum.
I'm guilty of about 10 of these things.
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#8
I read your email
Originally posted by jimmdog
Sterling you need to get in the bed room with someones wife.
Sterling you need to get in the bed room with someones wife.
#10
My wife bought me 2 RX-7s
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada
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Originally posted by Sterling
jimmdog it's just a joke, that's all.
Someone PMed me and said I was one of the worst behaved people on the forum.
I'm guilty of about 10 of these things.
jimmdog it's just a joke, that's all.
Someone PMed me and said I was one of the worst behaved people on the forum.
I'm guilty of about 10 of these things.
#11
I read your email
Originally posted by Sterling
jimmdog it's just a joke, that's all.
jimmdog it's just a joke, that's all.
See #11 (and I quote)
"Be sure to include a smiley in your responce so as to confuse him."
Oh..... and props to BrianHeston for his response!
#12
Heck Yes!
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Well sed!!
That was quite entertaining.
The sad thing is that the subtle satire of Sterling’s post will be missed by the majority of the people it is aimed at, because they are too caught up in making sure they actually achieve all the items on the list.
Translate the above comment into too thick to even notice
Hey Sterling...
Does my sig fall under the "Cyber Fettish" clause of point #9? 'cause its kinda long
That was quite entertaining.
The sad thing is that the subtle satire of Sterling’s post will be missed by the majority of the people it is aimed at, because they are too caught up in making sure they actually achieve all the items on the list.
Translate the above comment into too thick to even notice
Hey Sterling...
Does my sig fall under the "Cyber Fettish" clause of point #9? 'cause its kinda long
Last edited by anthrax; 11-04-03 at 08:27 AM.
#13
Nikki-Modder Rex-Rodder
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Originally posted by anthrax
Hey Sterling...
Does my sig fall under the "Cyber Fettish" clause of point #9? 'cause its kinda long
Hey Sterling...
Does my sig fall under the "Cyber Fettish" clause of point #9? 'cause its kinda long
Pervert.
#14
Ride 'n Style
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You have far too much time on your hands, Sterling- I'll be sending that carby on Friday, so maybe that will give you something else to do.
How long did you spend typing that? 2? 3 hrs?
How long did you spend typing that? 2? 3 hrs?
#18
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Dude, when I came here I thought this forum was tame. A great source for tech, but very soft on enforcing "the rules".
I am used to the Pirate4x4 forum. With close to 20,000 members it has the most amazing amount of tech info on wheeling rigs. But if you come in there and say anything about an H2 (or some other ***** 4x4) they will tear you to pieces.
Here is a quote off of the websight I stole from someones sig. This was origionaly a rant/thread there.
"How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change the light bulb and 1 to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
... another 6 to condemn those 6 as ****-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped
7 people to post. can this be made a sticky?
1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again "
I am used to the Pirate4x4 forum. With close to 20,000 members it has the most amazing amount of tech info on wheeling rigs. But if you come in there and say anything about an H2 (or some other ***** 4x4) they will tear you to pieces.
Here is a quote off of the websight I stole from someones sig. This was origionaly a rant/thread there.
"How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change the light bulb and 1 to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
... another 6 to condemn those 6 as ****-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped
7 people to post. can this be made a sticky?
1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again "
#19
Hmmm, amusing post, Sterling.
I'm still trying to decide whether I like you or not.
On the one hand, you are obviously intelligent, and your jeweler's experience coincides with my own.
Conversely, your use of profanity and inflammatory spousal references **** me off a little.
...Where's a coin?
I'm still trying to decide whether I like you or not.
On the one hand, you are obviously intelligent, and your jeweler's experience coincides with my own.
Conversely, your use of profanity and inflammatory spousal references **** me off a little.
...Where's a coin?
Last edited by Wankelguy; 11-04-03 at 10:56 AM.
#20
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Originally posted by 79+80+84_rx-7
I guess that smiley at the end of his last comment means he is kidding?
I didnt even read the whole thing
I guess that smiley at the end of his last comment means he is kidding?
I didnt even read the whole thing
#21
Ride 'n Style
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Originally posted by Wankelguy
Hmmm, amusing post, Sterling.
I'm still trying to decide whether I like you or not.
On the one hand, you are obviously intelligent, and your jeweler's experience coincides with my own.
Conversely, your use of profanity and inflammatory spousal references **** me off a little.
...Where's a coin?
Hmmm, amusing post, Sterling.
I'm still trying to decide whether I like you or not.
On the one hand, you are obviously intelligent, and your jeweler's experience coincides with my own.
Conversely, your use of profanity and inflammatory spousal references **** me off a little.
...Where's a coin?
hmm... wondering if he's trying to get people to like him or just get his opinions out.
#22
Nikki-Modder Rex-Rodder
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2001
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Originally posted by rcurrier44
Here is a quote off of the websight I stole from someones sig. This was origionaly a rant/thread there.
"How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change the light bulb and 1 to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
... another 6 to condemn those 6 as ****-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped
7 people to post. can this be made a sticky?
1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again "
Here is a quote off of the websight I stole from someones sig. This was origionaly a rant/thread there.
"How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change the light bulb and 1 to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
... another 6 to condemn those 6 as ****-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped
7 people to post. can this be made a sticky?
1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again "
Guys I'm just trying to be at least as amusing as I am irritating.
I'm glad you are all amused by my 'rules of behavoir' post because it really is just a satire of the way we have all behaved here at some point. It's just a collection of things that typically start problems here. It is'nt going to stop, so why not poke fun at it?
WankleGuy, I'm sorry if you're offended by things I've said about your wife. She's very nice, really.
But it's all in jest.
Truth is, -and we all know it- there are ALOT of things we all should be doing instead of being here at a keyboard on a car forum, including spending time with our spouses or family. I figure that anyone that spends as much time as we all do on this forum must have a sense of humor.
But if you/anyone asked me to, I would change my avatar location statement.
#23
Retro Rocket
Well...! I never...! (and, yes, I searched!)
As a self-proclaimed, trailer dwelling guru with a cyber-fetish for ultra-long threads filled with meaningless **** - I'm pretty sure I've been insulted.
However, love your satire, trenchant wit, and subtle style!
PS - my wife sez signature size doesn't matter...
As a self-proclaimed, trailer dwelling guru with a cyber-fetish for ultra-long threads filled with meaningless **** - I'm pretty sure I've been insulted.
However, love your satire, trenchant wit, and subtle style!
PS - my wife sez signature size doesn't matter...
#25
84SE-EGI helpy-helperton
What do you guys expect from someone with 1176 posts?!? So, Sterling - can you give us the BS to Help ratio on that one?
(I don't do 'smileys')
And one more thing; leave my wife outta this!
(I don't do 'smileys')
And one more thing; leave my wife outta this!