I've been having one of those shitty days. I could really use a good joke.

 

Freezing to death
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

 

lol. That's a good one. Thanks.

 

knock knock...

 

this better be good. who's there?

 

....a kid with ADD....

 

heard it.


I feel like my shitty day is turning into a shitty month.

 

here i have another one for you then:

a palastinian walks into a jewish bar......
then the bar explodes.

better?

 

haha. that's so wrong.

The postwhoring in the West region's been pretty weak lately. I'm so bored.

 

yeah
think its time to play some zero wing
"all your base are belong to us!!"

 

A preist and a rabbi were walink down the street, the preist spots an eight year old boy. He then said to the rabbi "hey lets take that boy in the alley there and screw him". the rabbi looks at him and "screew him outta what".


i tried cant blame me for trying.

 

how bout this...

A blonde hottie is speeding down the road in her little red sports car when she's pulled over by a blonde policewoman. The cop asks to see the girl's driver's license.
She digs through her handbag, getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she asks dimly.
"It's rectangular, and it has your picture on it," explains the policewoman.
The blonde finally pulls out a rectangular mirror, looks at it, and hands it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she says.
The blonde police woman looks at the mirror, then hands it back and says, "Oh sorry. I didnt realize you were a cop."

 

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

 

hahahahahahahahahahahhahaha!!!!!!!

 

hah! This is the best thread evar!