Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ', 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'.

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women giver her this subtle "Well...?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2" hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women just say, "OH MY GOD...."

 

How do you get a nun pregnant?



Dress her up like an alterboy.

 

Their is a child that wants a sister. She writes Santa Claus asking for a sister for Christmas. Santa replies , Send me your mother.

 

A woman is very distressed because she has not been married very long and yet her husband has lost interest in sex. So she goes to see her doctor and relays the problem.

The doctor doesn't seem worried at all and tells her that it is nothing serious, that her husband has merely lost his animal instincts. The doctor tells her to crumble some dog biscuits on her husband's cereal every morning without telling him, and little by little this will bring out the savage beast in him. He wishes her good luck and tells her to come back in a week with a progress report.

A week later the woman returns to the doctor, who asks how her husband is.

"He's dead," she replies.

"Dead?" the doctor asked.

"Yes. He was sitting in the driveway licking his *****, and I backed over him with the car."

 

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"

To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a magnum gun and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"

 

three guys die and go to heaven , however heaven is having a problem housing all the recent people coming in so st peter decides that he will only let those that died in the most interesting way in out of the three.

The first guy says, ok i come home from a long days work and i see some guys clothes all over my apartment so i run to the bedroom and find my girlfriend naked i ask her where he is as i start to look around and finally spot the balcony open and see the guy hanging there off my balcony so i step on his hands to try to get him to fall but the bastard wouldnt fall so i run back in and grab a hammer and come back and smash his hands and he falls, but the lucky bastard falls in some garbage bags and survives so i go grab my refrigerator and throw it off and crush him. after doing this i felt terrible so i went back to the bedroom and shot myself in the head.

st peter says - how tragic ok go wait over there

second guy says - ok so get this im doing my evening workout in my boxers on my balcony but i loose my balance and fall off, luckily i grabed onto someone else balcony 2 story down but all of a sudden, as im about to pull my self up, this lunatic comes out and starts yelling at me stoming on my hands but i hold on and hope he will calm down, pretty soon he goes away and im just about to get up when he comes back with a hammer and crushes my hands and i fall but i got lucky again and landed in some trash which broke my fall. when i look back up i see a refrigerator coming out of his apartment that falls on me and crushes me.

st peter say - wow this is incredibly tragic as well please go wait over there

the third guy comes up and says - ok picture this,your hiding, naked, in a refrigerator...

 

A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly
a wasp buzzes into the wife's private part. Naturally
enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken
but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts
and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash
to the doctor.

The doctor, after examining her, says that the wasp is
too far in to remove with forceps so he says to the
husband that he will have to try and entice it out by
putting honey on his ***** and withdrawing as soon as
he feels the wasp. And so the honey is smeared, but
because of his wife's screaming and his frantic dash
to the doctor and the general panic, he just can't
rise to the occasion.

So the doctor says he'll perform the deed if the
husband and wife don't object. Naturally both agree
for fear the wasp will do any damage, so the doctor
quickly undresses, smears the honey on and instantly
gets an erection, at which time he

begins to plug the wife. Only he doesn't stop and
withdraw but continues with vigor.

The husband shouts, "What the hell's happening?"

To which the doctor replies, "Change of plan. I'm
going to drown the little bastard!"

 

A driver is pulled over by a policeman:

Man: Is there a problem Officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Man: Oh I see.
Officer: Can I see your licence please?
Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Man: Lost it 4 times for drink driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Man: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Man: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Man: Yes, and I killed the owner.
Officer: You what?
Man: She's in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! The man steps out of his vehicle.

Man: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Man: Murdered the owner?
Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please.

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer2: Is this your car sir?
Man: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer2: Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car and murdered the owner.
Man: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!

 

heard that one. saw the punchline coming from a mile away. It's a good one, though.

 

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like ****"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

 

gross.

 

For all you Street Fighter "Fans" !

This answers, "What ever happened to Zangif, Dalsim etc..."

http://www.collegehumor.com/tag:stre...rthelateryears

 

good find.

 

Thanks ! Somehow, I knew the Beligerancy would approve !

 

it's actually a lot better than I thought it would be. Big thumbs up from me.

 

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything... Tutors,
Mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In
short, everything they could think of to help his
math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary
down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Zachary came home with a
very
serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his
mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room
and
started studying. Books and papers were spread
out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at
work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to
dinner.

to her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back>to his room without a word, and in no time, he was
back
hitting the books as hard as before. This went on
for some time, day after day, while the mother
tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report
card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his
room and hit the books. With great trepidation,
his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise,
little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no
longer hold her curiosity.

she went to his room and said, "Son, what was it?
Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and
shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied,
"Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the
uniforms? WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on
the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to
the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."