LA NOT city of Road Rage.
05-26-06, 06:40 PM
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LA NOT city of Road Rage.
http://www.931jackfm.com/feature/feature20.html
AutoVantage just released a report ranking cities with the most road rage incidents, and believe it or don’t, Los Angeles wasn’t number one. Miami, Florida somehow got that honor. Maybe the angry alligators crossing the road and munching on people or the intolerable humidity they endure earned them the top slot.
But how to explain the number two road rage city, Phoenix, Arizona? Could it be that they pioneered the ever-popular freeway shootings, as romanticized in the Steve Martin flick L.A. Story? Okay, we’ll give them that. But L.A. did perfect the craft. Besides, we think of Phoenix as a suburb of Los Angeles.
Number three on the road rage roster was New York City. They do have the smelliest cab drivers, but that should account for passenger rage more than driving rage. And surly is a way of life in NYC, so the rudeness crossing over to the road should come as no surprise.
Los Angeles by all accounts should claim the number one road rage position. It’s rightfully ours, and here’s some suggestions to decrease the peace and have the Southland back on the inside track:
May is national bike week, and there are many bike-to-work days scheduled locally. Bicyclists are annoying, and they make most motorists angry. Practice your hand gestures. Use the obscene ones often. Keep a pipe wrench in the car. Brandish it menacingly.
Leave your turn signals on for a very long time. Don’t ever turn.
Slow down at green lights or for no reason, especially in the fast lane. Don’t fear the four-lane merge. And don’t EVER signal a merge. Don’t these fools know who you are? F$@&in’ jerks!
Get a friend to drive alongside you. Light a cigarette, then pass it to the friend while you are both driving along. Then toss the burning cigarette into the first convertible you see driving near you.
And please don’t forget the tried and true weapons of mass distraction on the road, like your cell phone, makeup kit and deep fryer or similar plug in appliance.
If we all practice pissing off our fellow drivers, Los Angeles will once again rule the road rage roost as God intended.
AutoVantage just released a report ranking cities with the most road rage incidents, and believe it or don’t, Los Angeles wasn’t number one. Miami, Florida somehow got that honor. Maybe the angry alligators crossing the road and munching on people or the intolerable humidity they endure earned them the top slot.
But how to explain the number two road rage city, Phoenix, Arizona? Could it be that they pioneered the ever-popular freeway shootings, as romanticized in the Steve Martin flick L.A. Story? Okay, we’ll give them that. But L.A. did perfect the craft. Besides, we think of Phoenix as a suburb of Los Angeles.
Number three on the road rage roster was New York City. They do have the smelliest cab drivers, but that should account for passenger rage more than driving rage. And surly is a way of life in NYC, so the rudeness crossing over to the road should come as no surprise.
Los Angeles by all accounts should claim the number one road rage position. It’s rightfully ours, and here’s some suggestions to decrease the peace and have the Southland back on the inside track:
May is national bike week, and there are many bike-to-work days scheduled locally. Bicyclists are annoying, and they make most motorists angry. Practice your hand gestures. Use the obscene ones often. Keep a pipe wrench in the car. Brandish it menacingly.
Leave your turn signals on for a very long time. Don’t ever turn.
Slow down at green lights or for no reason, especially in the fast lane. Don’t fear the four-lane merge. And don’t EVER signal a merge. Don’t these fools know who you are? F$@&in’ jerks!
Get a friend to drive alongside you. Light a cigarette, then pass it to the friend while you are both driving along. Then toss the burning cigarette into the first convertible you see driving near you.
And please don’t forget the tried and true weapons of mass distraction on the road, like your cell phone, makeup kit and deep fryer or similar plug in appliance.
If we all practice pissing off our fellow drivers, Los Angeles will once again rule the road rage roost as God intended.
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