I've let my 7 sit for a few months
I went to try to start it up, and I get this half-clicking/half-grinding noise :/
Now, I think its my starter, and a friend of mine thinks its stuck apex seals.
Any ideas?
I don't feel like doing the ATF trick unless I have to, because its such a pain to get those plugs out

 

oh yes, and I tried it both with being jumped by another vehicle, and run straight off of a car charger

 

I have had batteries that were so dead that they could not be used to start a car even when jumped / charged. Is the engine turning over?

 

Nope

 

First thing I would do is to put a known good battery in it then go from there. The worst thing that could happen is that you eliminate the battery as a cause of the problem. If it's making a grinding sound i'd say it's the starter. You can take the starter to autozone etc. and they will test it for free if needed (although I have had them test good but not work on the car).

Todd