Official Westcoast Joke Thread
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2003
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From: Chino Hills, Cali
20 Ways to Torture Telemarketers
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male:
Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.
13.Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14.Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder... louder...louder...
20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male:
Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.
13.Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14.Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder... louder...louder...
20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,331
Likes: 0
From: Chino Hills, Cali
Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring vice that said:
"Dave, dont worry bout it. You aren't the first doctor to have sex with his patient, and you wont be the last...and your single to...let it go!"
but invaruably the other voice would bring him back to reality.
"Dave, you're a vet....."
"Dave, dont worry bout it. You aren't the first doctor to have sex with his patient, and you wont be the last...and your single to...let it go!"
but invaruably the other voice would bring him back to reality.
"Dave, you're a vet....."
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,331
Likes: 0
From: Chino Hills, Cali
A young couple with a box of condoms proceed to have sex. When they were finished, she discover that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, "What happened to the other five condoms?"
His nervous reply was, "Er, I masterbated with them."
Later she aproached a male friend and tellhims him the story, "Have you ever done that?"
"Yeah once or twice," he told her.
"You mean you've actually masturbated witha condom before?" she asked.
"Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."
His nervous reply was, "Er, I masterbated with them."
Later she aproached a male friend and tellhims him the story, "Have you ever done that?"
"Yeah once or twice," he told her.
"You mean you've actually masturbated witha condom before?" she asked.
"Oh," he said, "I thought you were asking if I'd ever lied to my girlfriend."
Plus one
Originally Posted by MrFuzzy
20 Ways to Torture Telemarketers
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
Bad pick up lines:
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Horrible pick up lines:
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Never-gonna-get-any pick up lines:
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Horrible pick up lines:
http://www.linesthataregood.com/lame.html
Never-gonna-get-any pick up lines:
http://www.linesthataregood.com/pick-b+b.html
New to the Club!
Joined: Mar 2024
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From: Bangalore
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