Chuckle of THE DAY! (req)
09-25-06, 06:30 PM
#26
Damn Right It's Me
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A rather confident young man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive young woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was testing it."
Intrigued, the woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says that you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles & replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"
The man exclaims, "Damn - this thing must be an hour fast!"
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was testing it."
Intrigued, the woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says that you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles & replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"
The man exclaims, "Damn - this thing must be an hour fast!"
09-27-06, 06:35 PM
#30
Damn Right It's Me
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A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right.
He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that.
He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him.
The astonished guy asks "How did you do that?
I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!".
The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either.
I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet.
A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps.
As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all...SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an ******* when you're drunk, Superman."
He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that.
He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him.
The astonished guy asks "How did you do that?
I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!".
The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either.
I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet.
A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps.
As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all...SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an ******* when you're drunk, Superman."
09-28-06, 06:32 AM
#32
Damn Right It's Me
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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog.
They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle.
It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself.
Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.
They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle.
It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself.
Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.
09-28-06, 02:36 PM
#34
A little girl gets in a terrible car accident and loses her sight. She asks her mother " mommy will I ever be able to see again?"
"Yes, honey" her mother replies. "The doctor said it's only temporoary. In the morning we'll go to the drug store for the special cream for your eyes that'll let you see again"
The next morning they go to the drug store where her mother buys the cream.
That evening the mother rubbed on the cream, wraps a bandage around her daughters eyes, and puts her in bed.
The following morning the little girl wakes up early and calls her mother to her room.
"Quick mommy" she shouts excitedly. "take off the bandages soI can see again!"
The mother unwinds the bandages and pulls them off.
"oh no" the girl cries in dissapointment. "I still can't see"
"I know dear" her mother says "APRIL FOOLS!!!"
"Yes, honey" her mother replies. "The doctor said it's only temporoary. In the morning we'll go to the drug store for the special cream for your eyes that'll let you see again"
The next morning they go to the drug store where her mother buys the cream.
That evening the mother rubbed on the cream, wraps a bandage around her daughters eyes, and puts her in bed.
The following morning the little girl wakes up early and calls her mother to her room.
"Quick mommy" she shouts excitedly. "take off the bandages soI can see again!"
The mother unwinds the bandages and pulls them off.
"oh no" the girl cries in dissapointment. "I still can't see"
"I know dear" her mother says "APRIL FOOLS!!!"
Last edited by snapcaseacilec; 09-28-06 at 02:50 PM.
09-28-06, 02:48 PM
#35
A woman's husband comes hammered every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone.
One night she decides to try some reverse psycology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub.
"It's getting late big boy" she says after a few minutes "Why don't we go upstairs to bed"
"We might as well" slurs the husband "I'm going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway."
One night she decides to try some reverse psycology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub.
"It's getting late big boy" she says after a few minutes "Why don't we go upstairs to bed"
"We might as well" slurs the husband "I'm going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway."
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