My lights (internally, and externally) turn on every time I step on the brake pedal. This really sucks ***.
I can hear a clicking sound when it happens, coming from somewhere behind the interior console.

WTF?

note: the headlights don't pop up, just everything else.

 

Sounds like some sort of wiring prob. That clicking sound u here is probably a relay of some kind. Also keep in mind that the headlights, signals, brake lights, work thru the turn signal switch. There could be a short in that switch. Does everything else work ok by their individual switches, i.e. turnsignals, headlights, etc.

 

Remove your tailights and check all your bulbs, it sounds like you have a dual filament (brake light) bulb in your turn singal lights.
Take all the bulbs out and check them, both turn singals should have one filament and one dot on the bottom of the bulb and both brake lights should be dual filament with two dots on the bottom of the bulb.

This happens because the brake light bulb has both connections and is "shorting out" every time you step on the brakes, this causes the lights to come on.
Check it out and let us know how it works out for you.

 

very cool, thanks for the info.

i'll check things out this weekend and post the results. (i'm a busy kitty)

 

You may have a short involving CPU 1 and 2 located behind the kick panel on the drivers side. These control many of the switches and are interrelated. Has water/fluid ever found its way behind your front driver side fender liner? Good luck.