With key off Lights off if i plug the head fuse in i get a click. if i unplug it i dont have a power drain. if i leave it pluged in it gos dead. But no lights are on..

Takes a day or so for it to go dead if i dont unplug battery or head circut fuse.
the relay should not click on i would not think, NOW i do have an after market headlight system HID. However that relay isnt clicking on or the lights would come on with the headlight switch.. So im still thinking its the main circut on the car before it gets to the after market relay system. ty

 

All fuses in the engine bay fuse box are each powered individually by the battery, meaning the Main fuse does not power the Head fuse or "any" fuse in the engine fuse box. If you pull the Main fuse the Head fuse should still receive power.

EDIT: You could try disconnecting the misbehaving Headlight Relay and see if this changes the amperage draw.

 

electrical gremlins like this are usually due to a wiring mistake of some sort, or a drain from an aftermarket component.