Driving Rules For Calgary
 

RULES FOR DRIVING IN CALGARY :



1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "CAL-GREE".

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On
Deerfoot, you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming
in for a landing at the airport. Anything less is considered "Wussy".

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Calgary now has
its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the
loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the
biggest tires go second. However, Hamptons , SUV-driving, cell
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that
can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Calgary. Detour
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the
next day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished,
and more construction starts everyday.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
cats, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded
tires, garbage, squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any
of these items.

9. 16th Avenue, TransCanada and "Hwy #1" are the same road.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 kph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle
and blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw.


:hahano: :hahano: :hahano: :hahano: :hahano:

Amen to that.

Its pretty sad when you can get around New York in construction season more quickly and Safer than you can here.

Two Days ago I seen an SRT-8 300C rear end a propane tanker truck in broad daylight. Were not talking a fender bender either. You could hear the propane leaking from down the street.

LOL!!

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Calgary now has
its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the
loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the
biggest tires go second. However, Hamptons , SUV-driving, cell
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

The Hamptons soccer moms is 100% true! I used to live there and they drove me nuts!!!!

You forgot #13 and #14

#13

Calgary is reverse on the freeway; the far left lane is the "cell phone, sight-seeing and catch-up-on-your-reading" slowest lane while the two right ones are the "pass at 50 kms above the speed limit changing lanes wildly" lanes.

#14

Opposites also apply in the city; Be sure to speed up when any red lights are visible no matter how far away, tail-gating anyone who does not conform (particularly so in icy/snowy conditions, and if in SUV, you are to double your speed as your 4wd grants magical stopping power). Also be sure to count a full 10 seconds before proceeding through an intersection with a flashing turn arrow. Oh, also be sure to go 20 kms under on any major roads with concrete barriers where as one should achieve 20 kms to infinity over in any and all school zones and playground zones.

You could also add #15

On mulitilane roadways approaching a red light, it is mandatory for heavily laden semi's to change lanes, no matter how abruptly, if by some chance a slow moving truck is not already in the left and all other lanes, such that there are no lanes without a semi-truck abreast of another. Then, when the light changes, you must pull out your hour glass and see who has the slowest acceleration to 10, 20, 30, 35, 40, 42, 43km/h, and so on.

and #16

There shall always be at least 2 gravel trucks drag racing on deerfoot during rush hour usually say ARNES on the back (asshats). One will ALWAYS be in the fast lane and the other will always be winning by a half a length. This is a major cause of #13 as u might as well get on ur phone, u aint goin anywhere fast without ziggin wildly thru the "slow lanes"

rule number 1 needs to be amended....

it should be pronounced Cal-Gary but if you cant say Calgary you can say Cal-gree, its just you may be lol'd at, and if you make any remarks after you are lol'd you may be shot