Starter/Short Issue (my first FD issue!)
 

Alright, here is the problem. I looked around but I couldn't find exactly what I was hoping I would find. Anyways, I started my car last week and let it get warm, yadda yadda, parked it in the garage, went on vacation and checked it today.
With the key in accesory position.. the pod guages glow a strong green for a second then promptly dim. The CD player will come on and keep resetting. Meanwhile the power antenna is going up and down and having a blast. If i go to start the car, the guages completely dim out and I get nothing.
A buddy of mine explained that it is more than likely a short. I checked the bigger fuses in the engine compartment and they all looked good.
Another peculiar thing is that the hazard lights won't blink and when trying to flip the headlights up, I just hear a "click click click".

My guess is a short like my buddy told me.. but are there any fuses in particular that could cause symptoms as crazy as these.

Battery is dead

Pretty much the answer to nearly all of these my-car-won't-start threads.

Does anybody own a voltmeter any more? They cost about $10.

I forgot to mention it was on the slow charger all night and it charged to full.