Flooded, Fouled Plugs, AND dead coil packs?
 

1989 S5 GXL: Compression good, plugs + wires less than a year old, secondary injectors definitely needed replacement.

Flood:
Car sat for about a week and a half and definitely flooded (leaky injector). Pulled plugs, they were completely black and soaked with a bit of debri also.

Plugs:
Beforing trying to start the car after deflooding, decided to check for spark. There was no spark on any plugs and even tried plugging direct to battery, so I'm guessing plugs completely fouled.

Coil Packs:
So decided to check coil packs, stuck a screwdriver into coil packs and cranked...and didn't get zapped.

Conclusion:
This all sounds strange if happening at the same time. Any idea on what could be wrong? Or even if maybe these are not supposed to spark? Thanks all who respond.

Flooding is easy to identify, as are fouled plugs. Bad coils can be trickier. I found this out myself the hard way. Although it could easily be a bad fuse(s). Check the 15A engine fuse by your feet. Also, check the ENG INJ fuse in the engine bay. If those are good, you can use another method. I would keep the plug wire on the coil, and try to hold it a little bit off the plugs instead, check for arcing that way. I was unable to do this method myself as I was the only one working on my car at the time (can't crank the car and hold the plug wire at the same time!).

You'll want to disconnect the injectors for this method.
I put my key to on, and pull the crank angle sensor out, but leaving it plugged in. Spin it fast by hand. You should hear the leading coils/plugs ticking. If you don't hear ticking, you can figure the coil is having an issue.

super noob question which might answer a lot....does EGI fuse ALSO control spark???

All fuses are solid and checked interiors with a tester.

If the EGI fuse is the case, and I've just been retarded this whole time, hopefully it's just dead plugs, even though I brushed them like crazy.

On an S5 the EGI fuse powers coils, injectors and ECU. This fuse is located in the engine fuse box.

EDIT: I missed the year of the car. I was only thinking S4. Read what satch says

The fuse for the coils is the ENG INJ fuse (2nd one). But if all the fuses are fine, make sure the coil is firing.

You can only clean the plugs so many times...

It doesn't hurt to have a fresh set of plugs. Yeah you need to spend some money, but you'll need new plugs sometime down the road anyway, might as well get them now. If it turns out it's not the plugs, then no big deal, you have an extra set for when the time comes.

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Idiot mode....I think I'm gonna go try to light it up right now.

love you all <3

It's aliiiiiiiiiiiiive!!! It was just severely flooded, and just remove plugs, crank without egi fuse in for a bit, I put some royal purple in the leading holes, put the cleaned spark plugs back in, and it lit up instantly. i shot out about 2 square blocks of smoke and good to go!!!